The Platform Purge
Too Hot for Threads: Morghan Rhiatt Has Been Flagged for Excessive Accuracy
This blog is still relatively new, and I’m still setting things up — getting the labels sorted, the structure nailed down, and the tone consistent across platforms. So when Threads asked for a “photo to confirm identity,” I decided to try something a little different this time:
I didn’t get banned for violating community standards.
I got banned for violating the unspoken rule of modern social media: Don’t point at reality and name it out loud.
Somewhere in Meta’s digital panic room, an algorithm squinted at my identity verification photo and screamed internally. Not because it was violent. Not because it was political. Not because it was anything other than…correct.
No — I got yeeted from Threads for uploading this:
- A grown man in a sticker-suit made of weaponized chaos
- Posing for a selfie
- In front of a crowd of travelers
- With a rogue inflatable flamingo at his feet
- And a patch on his chest that reads "ASSHAT OF THE WEEK"
It was glorious. It was accurate. And apparently, it was unforgivable.
It all started when Threads demanded I “verify my identity.” Most people would send a photo of their face. I sent a portrait of society in decline.
This walking meme of a man embodied the exact spirit of the Dumb Decisions Daily Hall of Fame — loud, smug, unaware, and fully documented. I attached it, clicked “submit,” and assumed they’d chuckle and move on.
Instead?
“You can’t use Threads right now.”
The system bricked. The lights dimmed. Somewhere in a back room, an intern probably dropped their oat milk cold brew and whispered,
“Oh no! This person understands what satire is — and they're making a case-in-point mockery of our system!”
Apparently, photographic proof of public absurdity is more offensive than actual public absurdity.
Because you see, Threads is a platform where:
- ✨ Oversharing about your trauma earns you followers
- ✨ Oversaturated brunch pics make you relatable
- ✨ Blandness is a virtue
- ✨ And satire is the enemy
They want “vulnerability,” not visibility. “Expression,” not exposure. They want you to pretend the world’s on fire, but only if the fire has a soft gradient and an aesthetic filter.
Diagnosis:
Algorithmic Fragility Disorder.
Acute intolerance to observational clarity.
Triggered by unfiltered images, bold labels, and sarcasm delivered without a TikTok dance.
Patient flagged for excessive perceptiveness.
System unable to stabilize truth without branding it a threat.
Treatment:
All Meta moderators must complete an immersive reality internship:
– 3 hours minimum in a department store on a Saturday
– No headphones
– No exits
– Surrounded by unsupervised children and the adults who gave up parenting for Instagram
Upon completion, they must each upload one photo of what they saw — with captions. Let the algorithm decide what’s real.
Moral:
If you get banned from a platform for telling the truth too clearly, you weren’t the problem — the platform was allergic to reality.
And if they don’t like this post either?
I’ve got a flaming paper bag full of dog shit, pre-lit, labeled “For Community Review,” and waiting at their content team’s front door.
Hashtags:
#morghanobserves #asshatoftheday #platformpanic #satireban #tootruthful #threadsrejected
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