The Grammarless Gladiators

Today started out just as any typical day. I made my coffee and sat down at my computer to catch up on social media and the headlines. I usually refer to it as my "daily dose of WTF?", but today was over the top. I made the mistake of opening a comment thread on one of my social media platform accounts. Just one. Thought I could handle it.

I couldn’t.

What started as a halfway coherent post spiraled into a linguistic arson scene. Homophones were massacred. Syntax was mangled. Opinions were hurled like bricks wrapped in misplaced apostrophes. The confidence? Blinding. The spelling? Nonexistent. The shame? Nowhere to be found.

It began with a self-proclaimed patriot denouncing “TREESON” and praising the “freedumb of speech,” demanding impeachment for someone who hasn’t held office in years. I blinked. Twice. Waited for the national anthem to stop sobbing in the distance.

Then came the triple homicide of there, their, and they’re, used interchangeably in a tirade defending an influencer:
“There not the problem. Your just jealous of they’re success.”
I read it three times. Nothing helped. Even autocorrect rage-quit and walked off the job.

A full-boil Boomer followed, caps lock engaged, punctuation disabled:
“IF YOU DONT LIKE THIS COUNTRY THEN LEAVE MY GRANDPA DIDNT FIGHT IN TWO WORLDS WARS FOR THIS”
No one knew what decade the comment was targeting. Or if the grandpa was immortal. Either way, logic was declared MIA.

One brave soul launched a conspiracy cocktail so dense it needed its own zip code:
“Bill Gaites and Hillury Klynton wanted too chip are brains and give us 5G mind controle.”
It read like a ransom note assembled from refrigerator magnets and Facebook rage groups.

Someone else protested the failures of public schools while typing:
“We dont need no indoctrinashun we need real lerning not this sjw crap.”
That was the moment irony curled up and died.

Things unraveled fast.

A random bro appeared, typing threats like he was fighting off invisible haters:
“u dont want this smoke bro i got receipts your moms a ho”
No receipts followed. No one responded. Just vibes and confusion.

Then came the meme. A Minion, misattributed quote, and a history fail for the ages:
“I may not agree with what you say but i will fight to the deth for your right to say it – George Washington 1492.”
And someone underneath it called it “deep af.” I aged six years in that moment.

A “lol” spammer dropped in next, punctuating their ignorance with:
“lol yall dumb af lol go cry lol”
I assume they laughed themselves into a blackout.

Then the “I’ve done my resurch” crew showed up — citing a YouTube video with 38 views and a TikTok filmed in someone’s bathroom. My cerebrum winced.

Someone dropped a “y’all need Jesus” and followed it up two comments later by calling someone a “ratchet slut.”
Scripture unclear. Morals unavailable.

And the grand finale?
A lone user arguing with themselves for nine comments straight, ending with “I’m done. Blocked.”
They were talking to no one. No one had replied.

But it wasn’t just the usual suspects.

One commenter had five pronouns in their bio and still managed to misuse “irregardless” twice in a sentence meant to shame someone else's spelling.
Another cited their “energy alignment source” to claim apostrophes are an oppressive construct. No further questions.
Meanwhile, across the aisle, someone with a flag in their username declared “you’re dum and anti-freedom” while misspelling “America” in a post about grammar.

Honestly?

If you don’t have a good command of the English language, please stop bitching about having to press 1 for English.

And if you’re gonna rant about being “woke,” call everyone else a “snowflake,” and scream about how no one should be “butthurt” anymore — maybe stop melting down over pronouns or patriotism, Starbucks cups or Second Amendment rights, and cartoon reboots vs cancel culture while publicly exposing you have the grammatical instincts of a first-grader.

I’m not even exasperated. Just exhausted.
Left. Right. Red. Blue. “Woke.” “Based.” None of it matters.

The loudest people have become the least literate — and somehow, the most confident.

This isn’t political.
It’s epidemic.

Diagnosis:
Grammatical Entitlement Syndrome
Keyboard Courage Disorder
Misplaced Apostrophe Addiction

Treatment:
Thirty-day Facebook ban
Mandatory Hooked on Phonics bootcamp
Access to comment sections revoked until a basic grammar test is passed

Moral:
Spellcheck is free.
Silence is still an option.
And confidence without comprehension is just performance art with wi-fi.

#Hashtags
#ThreadOfDread #SpellcheckSlaughter #GrammarMatters #ConfidenceWithoutCompetence #SocietyInShambles #StupidIsLoud