While hunting for today’s topic — and still trying to sweep up the leftover confetti from World Kindness Day — I noticed November 14 gets labeled as “International Girls Day” in certain circles. Turns out that version came from a U.S. sorority group years ago. The actual United Nations day is October 11.
But let’s be honest: girls deal with more nonsense before high school than some adults do in a decade. So honestly? Two days isn’t indulgent — it’s barely the legal minimum. If anything, it should come with hazard pay and a three-day weekend.
And since society likes to pretend this behavior “starts in adulthood,” today’s as good a day as any to acknowledge the truth:
Girls don’t grow up and then encounter creeps. They grow up because they’ve been encountering creeps.
Welcome to the parade.
The Field Guide to Lifetime Annoyances
Here are just a few of the characters girls meet long before they’re even old enough to get a learner’s permit. Spoiler: they don’t improve with age. They just get louder, balder, and somehow more confused about boundaries.
1. The Chest Conversationalist
This one appears as soon as girls start wearing their first bra — which is tragic, because that’s usually around the same age they’re still collecting Silly Bandz.
By adulthood, the skill is refined to the point of muscle memory: entire conversations conducted at chest level, like they’re expecting the torso to crack a joke or offer stock tips.
Sir, if you can’t identify where the eyes are located, you are not equipped for social interaction. Please return yourself to factory settings.
2. The Meat Counter Evaluator
This phenomenon starts in middle school and ages like a banana left in a hot car.
The opener rarely evolves:
“Ay’yo, how ’bout I get your number?”
Delivered with the same hungry stare someone uses when deciding whether to splurge on the 3-inch Delmonico at Texas Roadhouse.
Girls grow up learning that this “offer” always comes with a pop quiz:
- “Why not?”
- “You sure?”
- “You got somebody?”
- “Come on, I was being NICE.”
Newsflash: “Nice” is not a form of currency, and nobody owes you a receipt.
3. The Instant-Insult Meltdown Artist
Every girl meets this creature young — usually around the age she discovers cafeteria pizza can be weaponized.
He begins with: “You’re cute.”
She says: “No thanks.”
And suddenly he becomes a human smoke alarm:
- “Uppity bitch!”
- “You ain’t even pretty!”
- “Whatever, I was just being NICE!”
Sir, your ego has the structural integrity of wet drywall.
4. The Parking Lot Panderer
Girls get trained early: keys in hand, phone at the ready, awareness on high. Because this individual will ALWAYS appear when visibility is low and common sense is even lower.
They approach with the energy of someone who thinks they're offering a TED Talk, when really all they’re offering is cortisol.
“Hey, you got a second?”
No. No one has a second for a stranger approaching them near a vehicle. Not even if you're giving away AirPods and emotional stability.
5. The Aisle Shadow
This behavior starts when girls are still in braces — someone mysteriously appearing in every hallway, pretending to need whatever’s on the shelf right beside them.
Fast forward to adulthood, and it’s the same pattern — now with cologne and a misplaced sense of confidence.
6. The “Smile” Coach
This one starts before girls even hit double digits. Apparently society thinks girls exist to provide emotional ambience.
“Smile!” they say, like girls are commissioned street lamps powered by approval.
Unless you’re handing out puppies or tax refunds, silence is the best option.
The Lifelong Reality
The reason International Girls Day matters — no matter which date you pick — is because this nonsense starts early and doesn’t magically stop. Girls learn survival drills like it’s an extracurricular:
- cross the street early, just in case
- keys between fingers if the vibes are off
- pretend phone calls to avoid interaction
- reading a room in under three seconds
- knowing the tone of voice that means “leave now”
These aren’t skills. They’re adaptations.
Meanwhile, the offenders walk around acting shocked that anyone finds this behavior unsettling.
Diagnosis:
Generational Boundary Blindness with early onset, fueled by:
- objectification that starts in childhood
- inability to take “no” as a full sentence
- unsolicited commentary syndrome
- aisle-hovering tendencies
- aggressive ego fragility
Recommended Treatment:
- Re-learn basic courtesy, ideally before speaking to another human
- Eye-contact retraining (aim UP, not down)
- Immediate removal of all “why not?” phrases
- Long-term therapy for delusions of entitlement
- A lifetime ban on treating girls like scenery
- Enroll in “Leave People Alone 101”, recertify yearly
Moral:
Don’t be a dick.
Don’t think with it either.
Girls grow up dealing with this garbage way too early. The least anyone can do is stop contributing to it.
#InternationalGirlsDay #RespectGirls #RespectWomen #MorghanVoice #StupidityManagement #DoBetter #Humor
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