This post comes straight from a reader — a former drugstore cashier and pharmacy tech who survived more frontline chaos than a National Guard unit.
Drugstore Diaries: A Pharmacy Tech’s Guide to Customer-Induced Madness
If you’ve never worked in a drugstore, congratulations. You’ve lived your life without hearing a grown adult describe an oozing rash at full volume or watching a human being fight with a digital coupon like it owes them child support.
If you have worked in one? You already know this place is where customer service goes to die. It’s a battlefield stocked with flu shots, expired coupons, malfunctioning apps, and people who believe the pharmacy counter is just the emergency room with better lighting.
Let’s take a tour of the daily disasters, courtesy of someone who walked the aisles, survived the pharmacy window, and emerged only slightly feral.
1. The Digital Coupon Cryptids
Digital coupons were supposed to streamline things. Instead, they unleashed creatures.
The Screenshot Hoarder: Has 42 screenshots of expired offers from last year, all sideways, blurry, and cropped like a ransom note.
The “I Know I Have a Coupon” Believer: Scrolls through their phone like they’re defusing a bomb. “Hold on… wait… I swear it’s here…” Meanwhile, three customers file for social security.
The Wrong-App Warrior: Proudly flashes a coupon from a completely different store. “It should still work, right?” No. No it should not.
The App-Store Archaeologist: Downloads the drugstore app at the counter, phone at 3% battery, cracked screen, password from 2008. “Can you help me log in?” I cannot help you with anything, spiritually or technologically.
2. The Paper Coupon Vampires
They are the traditionalists. The old guard. They clutch faded coupons printed on ancient home printers running out of ink in 2004.
The Expired Evangelist: “It expired yesterday, so it should still count.” Time does not work that way, Carol.
The Coupon Stacker: Tries to apply 12 coupons on a $4 item. “Well why not?” Because math. Because physics. Because reality.
3. The Pharmacy Window Warriors
This is where logic, patience, and HIPAA compliance go to die.
The “My Doctor Sent It” Prophet: They say it like it’s scripture. Spoiler: nothing was sent. The doctor probably sneezed and that was the notification.
The HIPAA Ignorers: “Yeah I need the ointment for the rash — you know THE rash — the one that’s oozing—” PLEASE stop narrating your symptoms like it’s a cooking show.
The 30-Second Refiller: Drops off the prescription and then stands there staring. “Is it ready?” No. Not in this lifetime.
The Co-Pay Debater: “Why is it more than last time?” Because insurance is a circus, and we’re all the clowns.
The Insurance Shaman: “My insurance should cover this.” Your insurance doesn’t even cover its own employees. Be serious.
4. The Saturday Night Pilgrims
Their baskets contain:
- Pedialyte
- Plan B
- Gatorade
- One sad bag of chips
- A pregnancy test
You don’t have to ask what happened. The items tell the whole story like tarot cards for poor decisions.
5. The Emergency Room Rejects
These people skipped urgent care and came here to seek medical guidance from the cashier who was hired yesterday.
“Can you look at this?” No. Put that away. This is a drugstore, not a battlefield infirmary.
6. The “I Forgot My Wallet” Goblins
They load $250 of merchandise onto the counter and suddenly “realize” they left their wallet at home.
They ask you to hold everything. You will never see them again. Their items become relics of abandonment.
The Unholy Receipt
The drugstore receipt is not a receipt. It is a scroll. A novella. An ancient prophecy. It contains:
- Coupons nobody will use
- Warnings nobody will read
- Promos nobody wants
- A sense of existential dread
Employees have used them as scarves, jump ropes, lanyards, emotional support snakes, and once, allegedly, a tow rope.
Diagnosis:
Acute Retail Resignation Syndrome with symptoms including:
- coupon fatigue
- GoodRx trauma
- HIPAA horror flashbacks
- insurance-induced migraines
- wild customer unpredictability
- pharmacy window dread
Recommended Treatment:
- Vitamin D and noise-canceling headphones
- Burning expired coupons ceremonially
- A detox weekend without humanity
- Therapy with someone who understands retail trauma
- Refusing all holiday shifts forever
Moral:
Respect the people between you and your medications.
And for the love of public health, learn how your insurance works.
#DrugstoreDiaries #RetailHumor #PharmacyLife #CustomerServiceFails #MorghanVoice #StupidityManagement #EverydayChaos
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